Lolcats!

For more of the things you're about to see, click here. I love these pics, they're just cute and hilarious! I never thought bad spelling and grammar could be so much fun. Enjoy! ^^

The last of it

Dah baca satu blog baru realize tag aku tak complete.. (-_-)

Maaf ya. The past two weeks have been a blur. Otak aku dah nak disintegrate memikirkan kerja, sambung belajar, family.. Satu per satu masalah timbul, tak nampak nak reda. Malah makin besar jadinya. Aku dah mula rasa rimas dan tersepit.

Masa-masa susah macam ni aku rindukan mama. Dia selalu ada jawapan, jalan penyelesaian, atau paling kurang pun hala tuju ke arah itu. Things always look better at the end of a discussion with her. Aku baru sedar, aku okay sebagai pemangku, tapi aku takkan betul-betul dapat gantikan tempat parents aku. Just goes to show, you don't know what you've got till you've lost it..

Haish, nasib baik dua hari lagi aku nak pergi retreat. Sampai sana nanti aku nak hamburkan masalah pada kawan-kawan, minta pendapat dan pandangan. Aku nak lontarkan semuanya jauh-jauh, biar nanti aku boleh pulang dengan dada yang sedikit lapang.

Ah, aku tau bunyinya tak adil dan penting diri. Kawan-kawan datang untuk istirehat, kenapa masalah aku mesti disandang? Tapi, kalau itu pandangan kamu, maknanya kamu kurang faham. You see, I am entitled to their time and space. Because they are my second family, they belong to me.. Muahahahahahakuikuikui!

Lagipun, kalau mereka kurang setuju.....

TOO LATE NOW.....

Missing you...

Haish, it's one of those weeks... (-_-)

On Monday my supervisor paid a surprise visit to CGAT and interrogated everybody on their research progress. Everyone had something to show for it; progress, results, optimization problems, etc.

Everyone but me.

Aku kena marah sebab result DNA extraction dan PCR tak keluar. Dah aku katakan dulu, Promega kit tu mungkin tak berkesan untuk extract DNA daripada tisu kepak kelawar. Aku minta beli brand Qiagen dia kata mahal. Memang pun. Siapa yang nak beli benda mahal kalau ada yang setengah harga...

Awalnya, aku ingat mungkin aku yang tersilap ikut manual. Something obviously went wrong somewhere. Aku cuba lagi. Tukar sana, betulkan sini; tak juga menjadi. Foto gel aku kosong. Cuma laddernya saja yang maha cantik. PCR tak payah cakap la. Lagi-lagi isu primer dimers. Bila supervisor minta results...

Hari ni aku gi quantify DNA dengan undergrad yang projek dan resultnya senasib dengan aku. Bacaan spectro dalam angka negatif. What does that mean? It means, percubaan kami untuk extract DNA kelawar menggunakan Promega kit telah gagal.

Gagal. Which also means: More labwork with time I don't have. Haish..

I feel like I got no place to go... Before, when things like this happened, I had shoulders to go crying on. People who can hear me out. There was always support. Everyone understands.

Yeah, there was lab then too... but then there were also coastlines and malls, forests and caves. We had surprise birthday parties, power lunches, bazaars, movies, late night beach visits and iftars under the open sky. We were students, but we were also presidents, managers, enterpreneurs, adventurers, superfoxes, brothers, sisters and housemates. We were always ready to go and be something..

Where did all that energy go? I miss it, and I certainly miss you much...

Hujung minggu lepas, aku ke...

... Plaza Low Yat.

My ancient desktop computer needed an ethernet card to support Streamyx (or so it said during the troubleshoot), and Safura needed to fixed her virus-disabled CPU. Being the overly lazy person that I was lately, I chose to drive to the place. I found out very soon after that this would be the worst idea..

Pendek cerita, aku tersekat dalam trafik dekat nak dua jam. Nasib baik radio sangat best. If not for the music, I'd have annihilated the entire street.. can you say road rage? ^^Anyway, don't get me wrong. Kak Sofie's worst day out wouldn't be the gist of this entry. Though, after you read this, you might think otherwise...

To be honest, I was afraid of the place.

Have you ever been somewhere that made you feel completely uncomfortable? Like you don't belong. I know Lowyat and Sungei Wang and BB Park are all common shopping destinations maybe, but... for me, I wouldn't go there if I absolutely didn't have to. And if I have to, definitely not alone.

What makes me uncomfortable? The place is a ghetto! like a nest of all things evil. There are strange people in strange clothing and even stranger behavior walking around aimless. Teenagers in large groups that sit around waiting for God knows what, and eyeing passerby like they were the biggest sins alive. Old people trying to revive their glorious past by attempting to dress young, look young, act young.

I mean, imagine your mom in short shorts, tube tops and wedges parading the crowded streets... Enuff said.

Point is, don't these people have family? don't they have a purpose? what is life without purpose? Bukan apa, bila lihat mereka, selain takut aku juga rasa sangat kasihan. Aku pun ada keluarga. Ada adik-adik yang harus aku bangunkan supaya jadi insan. Aku tak sanggup tengok darah daging aku bertempiaran sana sini, buang masa, buang duit. Selama kami berjalan di Low Yat, Safura sentiasa aku letakkan di depan mata. Walaupun dah besar panjang, aku dan abang-abangnya sentiasa awasi supaya dia selamat.

Aku akui, ibubapa zaman ini agak sibuk. My parents aren't all that perfect. Tapi dalam situasi begini di manakah abang dan kakak? Macam tak ada yang kisah. Don't they feel protective? Ramai berhujah remaja perlukan kebebasan. Biar mereka tentukan haluan masing-masing. Betulkah? Atau alasan untuk lepas dari tanggungjawab?

Alangkah malangnya bila kita hanya mampu fikirkan diri sendiri.

But then again, that's life, isn't it? Sometimes all we could do is think of ourselves. Aku ingat lagi waktu meredah trafik keluar dari plaza. Hari dah pun senja dan azan berkumandang di radio. Dalam memikirkan kesempatan untuk solat magrib, mata aku melayang kepada mamat-mamat dan awek-awek yang masih bertempiaran di sekeliling; betapa ramai antara mereka yang hala tujunya pasti saja bukan ke surau atau masjid.

Di saat itu, aku hanya mampu memikirkan Safura yang sedang berseloroh dengan abangnya, dan bersyukur bahawa dia berada di dalam kereta, dia gembira, dan aku akan bawa dia pulang. Jauh di dalam, hati aku kata:

Biarlah mereka. Tanggunganku ada di sisi. Asalkan dia tidak jatuh, the world can go to hell.

LabbaikAllah humma labbaik!

My parents are currently somewhere among the millions of Muslims gathered for Hajj in Makkah. Their plane left for Jeddah last night. Please make dua for them both, that they may return as better Believers than when they went.. Amin.

PCR will run for three hours, so in the meantime...

... I'll continue with the tag!

10. Made for a boss

Secara peribadi, aku lebih suka jadi team player daripada jadi team leader, because I like doing the work more than delegating them. Dalam satu-satu tugasan, aku akan lakukan apa yang termampu untuk menjayakannya, sebab aku hanya akan puas hati bila ia sukses atas usaha aku sendiri. Bila jadi team leader, semua benda kena delegate; aku tak boleh buat kerja sendiri. Needless to say, I am very bad at this.

On the other hand though, aku ni jenis yang broad dan holistic.  I don't like nitpicking a problem (finding out the who, what, when, where and why of it); but I like putting together a solution. Dalam erti kata lain, aku tak kisah dengan perkara kecil atau spesifik, sebab aku cuma akan fokus kepada the bigger picture. Unfortunately, this trait - and my general ease with the public - is perhaps the biggest reason why I almost always end up leading a delegation rather than working for one... (-_-)

11. The power of saying something.

Aku dibesarkan dalam suasana di mana aku harus pandai bersuara. Seawal 8 tahun aku dan adik-adik ditinggalkan ibubapa yang sibuk dengan kerjaya; kami sering berpindah randah antara rumah suadara-mara dan grandparents yang tak putus memberi sokongan dan ihsan. (Please don't get me wrong.. I have great parents. Apa yang mereka lakukan, bila diteliti semula adalah untuk kebahagiaan kami.) 

Namun, ada kalanya ihsan itu punya had. Adat orang menumpang lama, ada masanya kehadiran aku dan adik-adik dalam keluarga mereka menjadi beban. Dan bila beban itu terasa, keluarlah kata-kata yang tak enak dan melukakan hati. Sebagai anak sulung alias kakak, aku harus petah memujuk dan beri penjelasan pada adik-adik, juga cuba mempertahankan mak abah sedaya mungkin, baik kepada keluarga mahupun orang lain. 

Pendek cerita, aku sangat bersyukur atas pengalaman yang satu ini, kerana banyak mengajar aku untuk tidak takut bersuara dan mengutarakan pendapat.   

12. I'm a lunatic at heart

Kak Sofie, kamu ini rasional. Terlalu rasional...

Sekali pandang, ramai yang rasa aku ni garang dan serius. In fact, at rest my face seems to be eternally frowning.. (-_-) But don't let that fool you... I am friendly! If you get to know me, I am actually insane! ^^

Secara fizikal, aku seorang yang sangat stabil, mungkin kerana peranan aku sebagai anchor kepada keluarga. Aku jarang sekali out of control dan negatif, sampai kadang-kadang hidup aku terasa terlalu terancang dan bosan. tapi secara mental, I am more of a free spirit. Aku suka kepada perkara-perkara yang spontaneous, ephemeral, and closer to oblivion. Jadinya, aku sangat tertarik pada entiti yang pelik atau separa gila.. I have an affinity for people with these characteristics because they compliment my soul, and I am myself when I am with them.

Jadi, kalau kamu pelik atau gila, dan kamu kawan saya, sekarang kamu tahu kenapa...   

Argh!! Tak cukup masa! Sambung lagi nanti ya! 

Dua tiga minggu ni aku ditenggelami kerja. Lantaran tugasan dan tanggungjawab family, tak terluang masa untuk menulis. Sebab tu aku sangat kagum dengan kawan-kawan yang boleh update blog everyday or every other day, siap dengan topik-topik dan penulisan bernas, kelakar, etc. Syabas kepada anda semua!

Maaf ya kawan-kawan. Saat ni aku hanya sempat habiskan tag. More will come later on. Enjoy! ^^     

1. Aku suka nature.

Da explain..

2. Aku suka kucing.

Pun da explain.. 

3. Aku kakak

Tanya la kepada sesiapa pun yang kenal aku. 999 dari 1000, jawapannya ialah "Kak Sofie."

4. I'm reasonable

Ada orang pernah tanya: "kenapa Kak Sofie suka jadi lilin?" Sebenarnya, aku tak sengaja. Aku cuma play by certain rules.. Kalau kamu ikut prinsip di bawah, kamu pun akan jadi lilin juga: 

1. Neutrality; always take the middle path. Bila kita ambil jalan tengah, orang akan susah sikit nak rasa tak puas hati dengan kita.

2. Always put yourself in other people's shoes. Rasanya yang ini dah cukup jelas. 

3. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Kalau kita nakkan sesuatu, tentunya orang lain pun nak juga. Kalau kita tak suka, chances are orang lain pun tak suka juga.

4. Turn the other cheek. Susah nak explain ungkapan ni, tapi maksudnya senang saja: hati kita sakit tak bermaksud kita pun kena sakitkan hatinya..  

Namun hakikatnya, manusia a.k.a aku tak lari dari menjadi seorang yang judgmental. So aku kena selalu ingatkan diri: I don't know what they have been through. Bila kita ingat ini, insyaallah kita akan fokus kepada perkara baik-baik saja dan terima kawan-kawan seadanya.

5. Aku hopeless romantic

Ah, mungkin kamu kata, "la, semua perempuan pun macam tu apa!"

Truth is, it doesn't take a lot to impress me. Simple things like flowers and candy is enough to win me over. Heck, just jumping out of nowhere saying "HI!" would've completely made my day! For me, it's the little things. The fact that someone cares enough to spend what little money they have on me or to sit around the corner just to surprise me is something truly amazing. You can call it low maintenance, easy, cheap... I appreciate it all! ^^

6. Tak suka emas.

Mungkin sebab aku ni gelap dan kulit tak cantik, maka emas pun nampak buruk... Tapi aku sangat suka silver dan platinum! ^^

7. I'm gullible

Aku ni senang percaya kat orang. I'm trusting to a fault, and this undying faith usually puts me in a position where I'm easily used or bullied, so much so that for a while my mom labeled me a doormat... (-_-) 

Haish, sekarang ni dah kurang sikit, maklum la dah pandai. Dulu... lembu terbang pun aku percaya..

   

8. Muzik 

Aku ingat lagi masa kecik-kecik menggeledah koleksi piring hitam dan kaset abah. Tak dapat aku bayangkan keseronokan melompat-lompat di atas sofa dengan adik-adik sambil mendengar lagu California Girls dari the Beach Boys. Needless to say, my love for music begins here... 

Sebagai anak seorang forester, hidup aku banyak dipengaruhi nyanyian dan alunan gitar akustik. Dulu abah selalu bawa aku pergi tengok kugiran orang kahwin yang buat band practice di kelab FRIM. Jadinya, aku boleh menyanyi dan bermain piano, flute dan gitar ala kadar. Impian aku? Nak kumpul cukup duit untuk ambil kelas piano atau violin secara formal. Or singing lessons, perhaps? ^^

9. Bahasa

Sama la ceritanya. So far, aku boleh bertutur/menulis/membaca/paham BM, BI, French and Japanese. Aku pernah belajar bahasa Arab dan juga Korea, but the results were less than satisfactory, probably because I'd never really studied them in detail (-_-) Nanti kalau ada rezeki, aku ingin mantapkan lagi peguasaan bahasa ni.  

Haish, sampai sini saja ya. Dah penat perah otak fikir tentang diri sendiri. Nanti kita sambung lagi... 

I Am....

... feeling good today.

The sun is shining and I'm busy with labworks, finally! ^^ I've been dying to start my wet lab, but that process was hindered due to the delay in equipment delivery. So, for the past few weeks I've done nothing but observe my undergraduates do their labwork, while slowly trying to patch together a decent masters proposal to FRIM. In summary: not fun!

So, to commemorate my uplifted mood and returning good health, I'm going to start on the first couple of things about me. God knows I've put this off long enough, so here goes...

The first thing: I am a nature lover

Awalnya, I wanted to put the title as "I am a cat lover." But that title didn't quite fit, since there are many things I love in life, and not all of them have whiskers and meowed ^^ (I also thought of the title "I am in love with the world", but that's just going overboard..)

So, why is this the first thing? Because, this is what has largely shaped me as a person. I spent most of my life immersed in nature. Both of my parents made forestry their career, and inevitably raised me and my siblings in its appreciation. If you've ever visited the Forest Research Institute Malaysia (FRIM) where I grew up, you'll understand where I'm coming from..

I have become so much a part of forests that to live without trees or a substantial amount of greenery around me would be a death sentence. I get distressed when I see logged hills or cleared land; I keep thinking about the wildlife that has to suffer because of that, and I worry excessively of what became of them. Heck, I even get angry at those DBKL people trimming trees by the side of the road! (I know, they're just doing their job..). But I just don't see the need. let it grow wild! It's a tree, dammit!

And what is with people throwing things out of car windows?! (even if they ARE organic and will decompose at some point -_-). We all drive big cars and expensive SUVs, but apparently have very small brains. Some people go through all the trouble of having garbage bags stored in their cars so that they can keep their vehicles clean without chucking things out the window. What is so difficult about that? For heaven's sakes, it's your garbage keep it to yourself!

*sigh* Yeah, I get pretty worked up over these things..

But, every cloud has a silver lining, no? These ignorances have inspired me to dedicate my life as a conservationist. That dream isn't yet fully realized, and I must say I have a long road ahead of me. The thing is, there's so much I know I can do, but most of it requires me to first make a name for myself. Like the wise words of a friend:

" No one will fight for your cause if they don't know you. So work hard, get rich, live big... Then all your hopes and dreams for the world will fall into place."

I'd hate to agree, but at this point I don't exactly have a choice...

The second thing: I am a cat lover

Felines are the love of my life, and I've owned close to a hundred in my lifetime. There is something about the way they meow that makes my ears tune in and immediately takes my attention. Most people will probably go, "Owh, it's a cat."

Me: "Where is it!?"

I share this funny behavior with the rest of my family excluding my dad, as well as with relatives on my mother's side. whenever there is a gathering of my mum's family, a cat show and forum will ensue. In my family cats are not pets, they are siblings; they are not 'it', they are he's and she's; they sleep with us on our beds, and they can even eat from the same plate. And when a cat has run away with food from the table, the common retort will be, "that's a smart one, that is..."

We are honored to provide a home for them. This year alone my family has picked up 6 lost kittens (much to my father's chagrin), and my mum will go as far as finding fresh fish for them at the pasar malam every other week, on top of five packets of catfood I bring home every three weeks. Money? My mum believes that part of her monthly salary belongs to her cats! ^^

For the cats we don't own, there is a bag of catfood we keep in our cars these days in case we find them. And I will not stand for any kind of cruelty against them iether. I got angry at my brother for abandoning a kitten he'd picked up and cared for. I've personally reprimanded a man once for raising his hand to a cat begging for a bit of his meal. It didn't go very well, so these days whenever I eat out, I'll call the cats over to my table instead just to save the trouble...

Personally, I don't get it.. God gives us our daily bread; why can't we just share a bit, even if it is with a cat? How could we as human beings find it in our hearts to turn the poor things away by inflicting pain on them, or ignore them when they cry out for food? Seriously, something's wrong with the world when such things are taken for granted..

15 Things

To the meager readers of this humble blog, I'm truly sorry for the lack of updates these past few weeks...

I've been horribly busy with responsibilities at the lab and at home: my pending research proposal, the lack of representative bat samples, my slightly demanding (albeit sweet) undergrads, the recent scrape on the front bumper my mom's brand new Myvi, the demise of my own beloved ADK and the RM1500 worth of headache it takes to fix it, rising prices in electricity-water-rukun tetangga bills, my parents' hajj trip (and my opah's temporary move to my place because of that), and my own inevitable move to Bangi...

With all the rush, it's no surprise Kak Sofie has fallen ill. Suddenly I need to sleep with the fan off (which NEVER happens when I'm in Malaysia) and I spent the whole night wondering why it was so cold. My mom was convinced I'd caught chikugunya, and became obsessed with having my blood drawn and tested! Count Caracol, this is your chance...

But seriously, the last time I felt this bad was back in Kuantan, while I was living with five wonderful sisters in a home I wish I hadn't left.. Back then I had all the warmth and support. Ah, the nights of sleeping sprawled all over the living room floor.. Wonder when we'll get to do that again ^^ Those really were the days...

And today? Well, let's just say I ran out of sick leaves before I could recover.. I'm back in the lab, writing, researching and supervising, all the while coughing till my lungs hurt. My only comfort stems from the fact that my undergrads aren't here today, and most of the RAs are on a trip to Langkawi. It's quiet around CGAT, which allows me time to catch up on some important reading, and uploading this entry.

Postscript: I've been meaning to start on a tag, but that endeavor will have to wait.. I lack the energy and positive mindset to begin it. Trust me, an entry from a sick and very moody Kak Sofie writing 15 things about herself is not something you'd want to read... Kapish?

NEED TO WANT TO HAVE TO BE ME!

Aku dah letih dengan pemandangan lama...

Green is my favorite color, warna yang tenang dan sering membayangkan benda yang best: alam, syurga... Tapi, apa yang kita suka pun kalau dah terlampau banyak boleh memudaratkan. Sejak kebelakangan ni aku rasa rimas dengan semua benda dan perkara, so dalam usaha aku menenangkan diri, aku bleach semuanya putih... ^^

Do I feel better after that? Definitely!

Question: Do you know 15 things about me?

I've been asked to explain 15 things about myself, and I don't know where to start. Most of the time I rely on others to tell me who I am. Not that I have no faith in me, it's just that beauty (and everything else, for that matter) is always in the eyes of the beholder; not the one beheld...

So I will do this: before I start on my tag entry, I want a public survey. If you know me (or even think you do..) just leave me a comment in this particular entry, or email me (opie_shah@yahoo.com) or sms me.. Apa saja pendapatnya, aku terima. Strangers, friends or family, this is your once in a lifetime chance to raise me up, pull me down or spill my beans, uncontested...

This tag has officially evolved.. Leave me a comment, please!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!

It's been a while since the last entry. Honestly, there's a lot to say, and a lot more to ponder. But I digress; this would not be the best time to immerse myself in them.. I must be happy!

So, what have I been up to in absence? Ramadhan has come and gone, and we are now in the second week of Syawal. For my Puasa research, I'd lost an unnoticeable 4 kg.. I found that rice really is my enemy, which cause me to limit consumption to once a week. Imagine being malaysian and living on pasta el dente six out of seven days...*shiver*

Also, next year fasting should start a week before ramadhan, so that my body won't get so shocked and fry my brain with distress signals! my first day of fasting this year was damn awful, my headache was to die for...

This Ramadhan also saw my first attempt at a more solid ibadah. The trials of tarawih, quran reading and kiamul lail every odd nights the last ten days in the hopes of catching that elusive 'night of a thousand nights'... I can't say I've done them all that well, but it was an improvement from last year, which incidentally was the best ramadhan I ever spent (I was in Kuantan). In any case, it was more than I could hope for.

I'd spent the first and second day of Raya in Tampin with my mum's family (my favorite side ^.^), which happened to be quite special this year. I got to visit my mum's very old kampung where she grew up. It was like visiting a completely different world... It's green, with creeks coursing through this way and that.. and paya everywhere! (I'm a nature person, so this type of scenery is highly conducive..)

I met many of my mum's old bendang friends - those who knew her since she was born - and visited their homes. Their wooden houses were so cute, you could touch the ceiling if you raised your hand! It felt like they were living in doll houses! I wanted to take pictures as proof, but that would be rude... I also found out my affinity for felines may be genetic afterall, because in each and every house I went to, there is a well loved cat. At least one... Or maybe, orang negri memang suka kucing!

Ah, this year, to commemorate my first meager gaji, I'd sponsored half of the bunga api and mercun rations used in my family's annual Raya Eve Fireworks Battle against the jiran sebelah (who lives about two acres away from us). It's childish, I know, and I probably shouldn't encourage such behavior, being the eldest... But whatthehey, no harm in indulging the nakal in you every once in a while, right? by the way, luv the fireckrackers pictured...

Raya days 3 and 4 were spent at Tanjung Malim with Opah, where we'd celebrated Pura's birthday. Back in KL on the 5th, worked on the 6th, Conference from 7th-9th... But, I will stop here for now. It's almost 3 am, and I have to drive to Kuantan for a wedding in 5 hours time. Can't wait to be back in Pahang tho... the scenery en route is simply heaven!

Next entry will talk about conferences, cinemas and everything in between... Ciao!

p/s: I've been tagged by Pojan... I sure hope that's a good thing!

Taking evil for a friend

Ever had one of those moments when you feel like you've taken the wrong step, gone down the wrong street, or flushed your life inexplicably down the toilet?

Haish, Kak Sofie is just a little ruffled right now.. she feels like there's so much out there, but she's not getting a piece. She wants to change and move and discover new things, but her lap is heavy with commitments and responsibilities. At times she has no idea why she's accountable for certain things, but she bears them all the same. The little that she's been doing so far doesn't seem to amount to much; she wants to do more.. so much more.

But, in such cases Kak Sofie rationally swallows her own reminder..

...the worst disease to plague humans is the lack of patience. We tumble blindly and chaotically through life simply because we have no forbearance to look for clues as to how we are to live...

Then again, patience has also been defined as a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue...

......

Kak Sofie knows it's not a good thing... and it's not like her.

But her soul is appeased... at least for the time being.

Ponder..

Imagine there's no Heaven,

it's easy if you try.

No hell below us; above us only sky.

Imagine all the people living for today..

Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do.

Nothing to kill or die for, and no religion too.

Imagine all the people living life in peace..

Imagine no possessions; I wonder if you can.

No need for greed or hunger; a brotherhood of man.

Imagine all the people sharing all the world..

You may say I'm a dreamer.

But I'm not the only one.

I hope someday you'll join us.

And the world will live as one..

- Imagine by John Lennon

This song reminds the author of some rather sticky conversations she's had lately... The views of the greater world has somehow managed to seep into her conscience and steer it haywire. Her biggest question: Is it wrong to dream?

Disclaimer: the author does not necessarily share the views of John Lennon. She is only trying to put forth theories and beliefs other than her own, for the sake of knowledge and a personal search for the right path.

Learning to wing it... Again!

Haish... Aku suka makan!

No one in the world would ever deny their love for food - frankly, the line usually comes down to either living to eat, or eating to live. Kalau boleh, aku nak kata aku ni makan untuk hidup. Tapi, rasa macam tak betul...

Perang aku dengan isu makan ni dah lama. Bertahun-tahun. Through the years I've conquered certain battles, but I've yet to win the war. So jadinya berat badan aku pun roller-coaster: menaik, menurun, melintang... Impian nak kurus tu takyah cakap la. Kemustahilannya bak menggapai belon helium yang dah terlepas ke langit!

Bulan Ramadhan adalah bulan yang paling banyak mengajar aku strategi untuk menang. Sejak 5 tahun lepas, bulan ni aku tunggu-tunggu bukan sahaja untuk segala hikmat, nikmat dan kebaikan yang ada padanya, tapi juga sebagai research period untuk teori dan strategi baru yang dah aku atur dalam usaha aku nak kurus.

Soalnya, kenapa bulan Ramadhan? A few factors:

1. Ramadhan: the constant variable - Basically, bila kita tak makan kita akan lebih peka kepada perubahan fizikal diri. Dan bulan Ramadhan ni lah satu-satunya bulan di mana aku takyah risau asyik nak sumbat mulut 24 jam...

2. Choice of foods: the variable - Sahur dan berbuka adalah masa paling sesuai untuk menguji makanan yang dapat membantu menguruskan badan, selain menentukan kombinasi dan amount yang patut diambil. On the downside though, asal bulan puasa je, banyak la makanan yang 'tak membantu' duk tumbuh bak cendawan merata-rata...

3. Puasa & tarawih: observation & results - You have no idea how easy it is to observe changes when you fast.. Dari pengalaman, aku sedikit sebanyak dah dapat tentukan apa yang aku personally boleh dan tak boleh makan, based on bagaimana setiap makanan tu memberi effect pada aku sewaktu berpuasa dan semasa tarawih. Ayam golek pasar ramadhan tu memang out la aku rasa...

So, masuk hari ni dah sebelas hari kita berpuasa... apa yang aku dapat dari research tahun ni?

Pertama sekali, nafsu makan aku dah berubah sikit. Dulu kalau ke pasar ramadhan, paling kurang 5 bungkus aku bawa balik; dengan airnya, kuihnya, juadah dua tiga macam.. Tapi tahun ni walaupun dah tawaf bazar tu dua tiga kali, sebungkus makanan dalam tangan pun belum tentu lagi. Malah, these days kalau abah ajak pun aku hangat-hangat tahi ayam. Pergi setakat nak temankan..

First day puasa hari tu seperti biasa aku berbuka dengan nasi dan lauk. Tak banyak pun yang aku makan, tapi effect dia luar biasa. Mula-mula sakit kepala, lepas tu mengantuk tahap gaban. Konsentrasi aku terganggu masa solat tarawih, so aku buat keputusan that's it, no more rice for you! Alhamdulillah, sampai saat ni aku tak berbuka dengan nasi, tarawih berjalan lancar!

Selain tu, aku juga dapati bersahur dengan minum air dan makan benda ringan macam roti tu lebih baik dari makan something heavy. Kalau tak, pukul 11 pagi dah letih dan mengantuk, menguap tak habis-habis. dah la aku kerja.. malu tul kat kawan-kawan.

For now, sampai di situ je observation aku. Lepas ni, nak try light weight training pulak. I want to see the effects of light excercise plus the current diet on my fasting. Nak main-main sikit dengan protein dan sugar intake.. Would I feel better, or would I feel worse?

Mak kita selalu kata don't play with your food. Aku pulak kata, suka hati la mak, aku yang nak kurus!

Benda Baru

Hola... Ramadhan Mubarak kepada semua! Harapnya kita dapat bertahan bulan ni, bukan saja dari segi puasa, tapi dari aspek yang baik dan tak baik. You know what I mean...

Anyway, for this entry aku nak cerita: aku dah buka buku baru; dah mula tulis skrip... Come see the props and roleplayers!

I love this place... tempatnya tenteram dan agak jauh dari main campus. Sangat sesuai dengan nature aku yang suka nature..

a.k.a Centre for Gene Analysis and Technology (CGAT - pronounced see-get).

Instumentation room. Segala heating, incubating, streaking, distilling.. semua buat kat sini.

This is the actual lab. Kind of small and cramped, but homely. Aku share tempat ni dengan 5 orang Masters students (selalu ada) and 5 undergrads (they come and go)

Bilik fotografi.. familiar machines, right? pada aku, bilik ni sangat genius. I'll tell you why in a bit..

Dari kiri: Shikin, Mas and Shariza @ Sherry. Yang dua di depan tu buat research ikan siakap, Mas research microbe in chickens.

Lab Genius Lee Jun Hoe. Seriously, he keeps everything spic and span.. and knows alot about what he's doing.

Ogy (pegang pH reader) and Kak Lin.. K. Lin is the designated ketua, since she's older than all of us and is a PhD student ( Finally! someone older than me!!!). Buat research yang sama dengan Mas.

Lab di UKM sangat berbeza dari lab UIA. The protocols are more strictly observed here. Contohnya, kalau di KOS students boleh autoclave dan guna semula pipette tips, kat sini ko jangan harap.. Usahkan tips, pipettes pun takleh campur. Setiap projek ada set sendiri. Yang lagi best, I have to buy my own set! Nasib baik la research grant field supervisor aku besor, kut tak tak tau la camne nak bayor.. RM 3000 tu...

Paling aku amazed time buat agarose gel. Kalau dekat lab KOS, Ethidium Bromide (EtBr: cancer causing agent) akan dicampurkan dengan gel semasa ia dibuat. As a result, semua benda yang berkaitan dengan gel tu - gel flask, microwave, buffer, gel casket, electrophoresis machine, imager, computer, dll - akan tercemar dengan EtBr. Bayangkan risiko yang dihadapi pelajar, lab assistants..

Di lab CGAT, EtBr hanya digunakan semasa imaging. Selepas electrophoresis, gel akan dibawa ke bilik fotografi (lengkap dengan imager) dan akan direndam beberapa saat dalam EtBr solution, kemudian destained dalam air selama lebih kurang setengah jam. Nak masukkan gel dalam imager pun ada protocol, supaya luaran mesin dan komputer tak tercemar.

So, the only thing possibly contaminated would be the imager, and of course the containers and spatula used during soaking and destaining. Gloves used during the entire imaging process is discarded before leaving the photography room..

Lagi satu yang menarik, dekat sini ada duty roster.. setiap minggu one person akan ditugaskan untuk autoclave, bukan saja untuk diri sendiri, malah untuk orang lain gak. Takde la nak kena beratur tunggu giliran nak autoclave barang sendiri. Obviously macam ni lebih jimat masa, letrik dan air..

Haish, kan senang dan lebih selamat? aku harap lab KOS beri perhatian...

Other than that, semua orang kat sini sangat friendly. Hari pertama aku di CGAT, diaorang dah ajak keluar makan. Aku banyak belajar benda baru. It seems like semua orang lebih mengetahui dari aku, sampai kekadang aku tertanya-tanya, amende la yang aku belajar masa undergrad dulu? yang nyatanya, tak cukup...

Aku harap kawan-kawan lain pun dapat belajar lebih dari hidup baru. Yang penting, jangan takut mengaku kita tak pandai.. Selagi ada peluang, tanya dan wonder habis-habisan. Semoga kita semua akan lebih mantap lagi the next time we meet! XD

p/s: Others not pictured here: Alicia, Yock Ping and Yoges.

- For Those Who Knew Me Inside Out -

Post Convo Jitters

Berlenggang pulang dari majlis konvo, Cik Ann memberi komen:

“Kak Sofie, I feel like this is the end…”

Aku tersengih. Tiba-tiba aku teringatkan Ati. I know where the conversation was heading, and I know what I was supposed to say. Tapi, dalam suasana hujan dan dengan segala yang dah dilalui dari pagi, aku letih. Semangat aku waktu tu tak cukup untuk cuba pujuk Ann yang semacam resah.

In a sense, aku faham. Bila dah konvo, sekaligus kita mengakhiri satu zaman dalam hidup. Kita nak tutup tirai, nak buka buku baru. We all have to move on and let go. The past few weeks leading up to graduation has seen a lot of attempts at getting together; our final chance to make peace and give our best wishes. And perhaps - kalau berani - cuba mengatakan apa yang selama ini hanya meniti di bibir.

Seumur hidup aku, inilah persahabatan yang paling utuh. Terbiasa dengan hidup solitary, aku mulanya sangat tak pandai menerima kawan. Aku menjauh; aku buat hal sendiri. Tapi, ternyata tarikan dari 9 orang adik ni tak dapat aku tepis. Mereka pelik; mereka unik; dan paling penting: mereka selamba menerima aku…

Orang kata, tak kenal maka tak cinta. All I can say is that, dalam usaha kami mencintai satu sama lain, kami juga dah banyak mengumpat, mengeji, meluka dan menangis. Life isn’t always a bucket full of sunshine. But if we can come out of our troubles still holding on to each other, aku rasa itu sudah cukup menggambarkan kesungguhan semua untuk mengikat pertalian ni sampai bila-bila.

Aku tahu apa yang ditakutkan. Sebenarnya, kita semua takut rindu. Sebab, dengan rindu akan datang dua perasaan yang sangat dibenci: perasaan tersisih dan dilupakan... so, to keep from losing faith, aku perpegang pada kata-kata Nurul: selagi nama kita tersebut di dalam doa masing-masing, insyaallah kita tidak akan pernah lupa satu sama lain.

So, Cik Ann, this is the end... di sini chapter undergrad kita berakhir; Cerita Gombak, cerita Kuantan, cerita makan dan cerita hutan. Kita tutup buku dan labuhkan tirai.

Tapi.. begitu yang mula perlu berakhir, sama jugalah yang berakhir perlu bermula lagi. Turn the page and write a new script, with new characters and scenery. Nanti, somewhere along the line, akan terselit nama kita semua satu per satu, dengan identiti dan peranan yang baru dalam hidup satu sama lain.

Inilah cara kita move on. Not by letting go, but by accepting the fact that our presence in each other's lives is for always, whether we like it or not...!

Two days till convocation.

For a lot of people, the days leading up to such a momentous event seems - for lack of a better word - euphoric. The robes, the mortar, the formal family pics... I mean, it's not like one gets the chance to prance around in those freaky habits every day of the week, you know.. And the honor of such an occasion warrants considerable preparations; sacrificing money, time and often the sanity that comes with it. 

A little sister was melancholic recently. She's far from home, so I attributed her sad, philosophical musings to utter loneliness and the craving for an understanding soul. I know what it's like to come home to an empty (albeit tidy) room. There's always that sense of waiting... For what exactly, you don't really know -- or rather, you're too afraid to say aloud, partly because you don't want to hear the truth of the situation, and partly because you've chosen to be strong and willful every step of the way, regardless.

Don't worry friend. My state of mind isn't too far from yours at this point.

Worser still, I have everyone around me. I'm interacting: giving, taking, sharing. Everyday I'm meeting new friends and bonding with old ones. I'm getting somewhere in life; I'm on the right path, I think. Convocation is just two days away. Two days until we can crown ourselves graduates; two days till official license to take on the world.

And yet...

All I ever want to do is run. I want to lose myself; I want to get away. I feel hurt somehow, deep inside. And I am afraid... I'm afraid that one day, like some injured wild beast I will lash out. I will cross the line and inflict pain on others - physically, mentally, emotionally - especially to those who mean me no harm. I don't want that to happen. Ever. 

What am I searching for? I'm not searching; I've found it. But, it's telling me that I shouldn't have gone looking in the first place. It doesn't want to be found. At least, not by me.. I used to be able to read such signals long before anything should happen. I guess I'm growing old..

Need I Say More?

Note: this is the kind of conversation I'd love to have with my future someone, especially with the end result... ~.^

Big and Helpless

The moment aku nampak gambar ni dan baca ceritanya di laman Yahoo, aku menangis.

Baru dua tiga hari lepas, Ati di Sydney bercerita yang dia ternampak seekor ikan paus humpback bersama anaknya bermain off the coast of Coogee beach, di New South Wales. Masa tu aku terfikir betapa awesomenya ciptaan Tuhan, dan betapa bertuahnya Ati untuk berpeluang menyaksikannya.

Dalam berita malam semalam, however, anak ikan paus tu dah kehilangan ibunya, dan dilihat cuba 'menyusu' dengan sebuah kapal layar di Sydney. Kata wildlife experts, kalau dia tak dapat mencari ibunya atau ibu susu yang lain dalam beberapa hari ni, dia takkan hidup, because baby whales cannot survive without mother's milk for more than a few days.

Yang aku sangat sedih, kita manusia yang dilabel khalifah atas muka bumi pun, tak berdaya nak membantu dalam situasi macam ni. Bila dah jadi camni, baru betul-betul mengerti yang hanya Allah swt saja yang Maha Kuasa.

Lalu, aku pun berdoa. Sungguh-sungguh depan computer aku berdoa yang anak ikan ni akan dapat terus hidup. Hanya dengan cara itu saja aku dapat tenangkan fikiran.

This Is Me Having Faith

Argh!!! Aku ada blog!!!

Sebenarnya, aku tak reti blogging. Bukan saja tak reti... at some point, malah tak suka. The idea of letting others know what I think, how I feel; semua tu aku rasa bukanlah benda yang patut dikongsi. Sebab, more often than not, manusia ni gemar terlepas cakap..

Dalam kita seronok mengutarakan pendapat dan memberi pandangan, kita selalunya terlupa bahawa ada berbillion-billion lagi homo sapiens di atas lapisan kerak bumi ni yang tak kisah, tak setuju, lagi offended dengan luahan kita. Atas sebab itu saja, aku malas nak menulis. Kata omputih, The pen is mightier than the sword... dalam erti kata lain, blogging ni adalah satu risiko yang rasanya terlalu tinggi untuk aku tanggung.

The obvious question: Wey minah! Ni, yang ko toreh atas virtual page ni... amendenye?

The obvious answer: entah lah. Aku pun tak tahu. Atau mungkin, aku pun dah mula tak kisah..