JYJ Showcase..

The constricting feeling in my chest got worse the further I moved away from Stadium Negara. By the time I'd settled into my KFC early dinner an hour later, I was thoroughly depressed.

Seriously, I tried.

I tried so hard to be supportive of them. I bought the pricey tickets. I roasted myself in the sun for nearly three hours waiting in line for admittance. I bought the CD afterwards (because I sincerely loved the songs). I even joined the crowd in kicking and screaming whenever they performed live - which cumulatively sums up to about half an hour tops - all so I could see them happy at our show of undying love.

But that's the problem. They weren't happy.

Xiah toned-down considerably, compared to the usual happy virus that he is. There were no jokes, no attempts at gags. There was not even a hint of that trademark laughter everyone loves so much. Just plain, serious Junsu giving textbook answers to equally textbook questions.

Yuchun was visibly strained from having to involuntarily lead the team. Gone was the cheeky Micky we couldn't help adoring. Being the only one of the three to understand english, questions were inadvertently directed to him. He tried including everyone else in the conversation, particularly the despondent Jae, but that just serves to make the situation worse.

Speaking of Jae..

My heart really went out to him. Joongie seemed so out of place, and restless! Like a lost child looking for someone to belong to. He skirted questions, and left his best friend scrambling to handle the show alone. Honestly, he looked as if he was desperately wishing a certain beloved member would just pop out onto the stage to hold him and calm his nerves.

It was heartbreaking to see Jae hug himself, so much that the image has become the only thing I remembered about the show.

Diehard fans can say what they will, but it is clear to me that at least for now, the trio is lost without Yunho's leadership and Changmin's strength.

No, I'm not saying JYJ will never make it. Heaven knows they have all the potential. They are afterall, the three lead vocals of TVXQ. It's just.. there are some things in life you just can't go without. Talent is a great posession, but talent without love and support from the those who mean the world to you won't really go anywhere.

TVXQ, AKTF.