Worth the effort

"To quietly fall for someone is to give them the power to harm you. Whether or not the other person actually needs or wants that kind of advantage and responsibility over you, realization of it will dawn on them unfairly, and often too late."

- When Fallen Angels Fly -

The way I see it? Anything that is done out of moderation constitutes a risk, and if there was ever anything out there that absolutely could not be expressed in moderation, it would be love.

Our heartbreaks, letdowns and disappointments - while very painful to deal with - are necessary risks we take to venture out in life. If we are as sensible as we claim to be, then we must also accept that we are accountable for the things that we do (and feel), and the consequences that befall us. Perhaps the best way to heal is to reach into ourselves and find the source of strength that allowed us to take that first courageous step to begin with.

It takes two to tango, no matter how the dance ends. But in the larger scheme of things, what really matters is the effort you made to turn it into an amazing performance.. :)

Be careful what you wish for..

Three weeks ago, my favorite physician diagnosed me with a mild case of acid reflux.

Surprise, surprise! and here I thought I was going to use that as an excuse to cover up the real reason for my, er.. unusual eating habits and weight loss. Turns out God has a very cynical way of punishing people huh? well, serves me right I guess...

Now I'm on Gaviscon and prescription medication (Zantac), and my food choices dwindled even more, at least for the time being.. No sour or spicy stuff (most fruits, tomatoes, chillies), no high fat (butter, pasta, sour cream, ice cream, chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes.. you get the idea) and absolutely no caffeine or soda of any kind.

I've tried pushing boundaries with foods that are restricted to me. I'm the type not to give in to stereotypes, so I want to know for myself what I really can and cannot eat. The result? Well, I now know that caffeine & soda really is NOT good for reflux! I don't drink soda often but my family drinks tea a lot and I will usually bring a tumbler to work. I find that aside from causing major chest pains, tea also tends to prolong reflux symptoms. I've since stopped having them and opted for milk or milk-based beverages instead.

Which causes another unexpected problem... (-__-)

See, milk is usually good for the stomach, right? old people say it calms it down. But what I didn't know was, milk will cause acid reflux while sleeping, and OMG I cannot tell you how painful this is! (>_<) Imagine suddenly waking up in the middle of the night with acid in your throat, and you instinctively go into a coughing fit to get rid of it. I've been through a few episodes, and only found out what's been causing them this morning.. (=_=)

So now I have to be careful with milk, which is unfortunate because it's the only protein source I can actually stomach right now. And the same goes with anything that includes it. For example, I find that I'm okay with Milo, only if it's the "O" version.. yuck!

For the past three weeks, I have gone a couple of days at a time without food, simply because my stomach just wouldn't handle it. The thing that drove me nuts though? my brain keeps telling me I'm hungry, so despite my condition I am always tempted to try to put something down my throat.. which I would upchuck again 5 minutes later, dammit!

Haish, I'm thankful this is still mild.. I shudder to think what chronic reflux feels like! (O_O)

Independent.. OMG like, really!?

A good friend’s back-bending efforts to track her monthly expenditure have left me a little breathless.

Honestly I admire her diligence in micromanaging her budget. It is exciting for me to see all the figures come together on the ledger she posts every few weeks on her blog. Not to mention, of course, a small degree of envy at the headway she’s making towards her future financial freedom.. It is a subject I spend a lot of time thinking about these days; among other things freedom-related, that is.

In our close circle of friends, I feel we have learned most from each other. That said, I have tried (though not nearly as earnestly) to manage my own salary in the hopes of bringing about positive change to my constantly erratic month-to-month spending pattern. I started with what I thought couldn’t go wrong; I relied on the same managing software, and the same simple approach to saving: stop buying things I don’t need, and stop needing things I can’t buy!

My enthusiasm however, yielded very different results. And my one true mistake – if I could call it that – lies in the fundamentals.

I came to this realization too late: my life is not my own to work with.

With the exception of some money set aside automatically every month in a separate account, I have very little savings to speak of. Looking at my own ledger for the last couple of months, I realized my cash flow went mostly in contribution to household duties: groceries, house phone and internet bills, small funding for brothers still in school, cars, cats.. They are all necessary things, and ones I cannot help but pay for.

Hey, all that on a student stipend of RM1200 a month.. I’m lucky I can still afford dinner with friends every few weeks!

See, independence is a relative thing. To a lot of people, it does mean being in control of our own lives; to finally break free of all holds and limitations previously imposed. By becoming self-sufficient we gain licence to adulthood and the carte blanche that comes with it. We begin crafting the future we’ve always wanted, and for most, it is one that is necessarily outside the direct influence of family and friends.

But to the select few – and yes, I’d like to think myself special in this way – it is just another way of saying, “hey, I’m financially ready to take over family headaches. What can I start paying for?”

What does not kill you will only make you stronger..

BRING IT ON.