It's all about the money!

“Long, ko jangan la ego sangat!”

Ego!? Tangan aku sikit lagi nak naik ke muka dia, tapi aku tahankan. Nak bercakap dengan anak jantan umur 27 tahun ni kena ada caranya. Terutama sekali yang tengah defensive nak pertahankan minatnya yang latest..

Minat yang cukup la aku tak setuju.

Sejak cuti sem aku dah mula rasa semacam. The twins balik cuti tapi dua-dua tak lekat di rumah. Keluar entah ke mana sampai pukul 3 – 4 pagi. Telefon bimbit kalau tak lekat di telinga mesti saja di hujung jari, SMS tak henti-henti.

Aku tahu mereka ada ‘bisnes’; some internet MLM thing.. Aku dan Pura yang dahulukan duit modalnya, tapi selain tu kami tak tahu apa-apa. Dah diaorang beriya, kami tak mampu nak tolak. We thought, biar la diaorang cuba cari side income sendiri.

Tapi bila tengok keadaan diaorang yang makin rancak grouping sana sini sampai ke subuh adam, aku mula rasa tak sedap hati. Parents aku tak tahu cerita. Walaupun mereka awalnya tak menegur, aku tahu mereka dah mula menghidu perkara tak elok. Bukan apa, kembar ni dua-dua masih lagi belum tamat pengajian. Kalau awal-awal lagi tumpuannya lebih kepada bisnes daripada buku, aku dah dapat forecast haluan adik-adik aku ni.

It ain’t good, that’s all I gotta say...

Bila dipecahkan tembelang, mak ayah aku naik angin. Lebih-lebih lagi bila the twins kata mahu tumpukan perhatian pada bisnes, nak buat MLM seumur hidup. Katanya, belajar tinggi-tinggi pun, gaji permulaan cuma tahap RM1500 sebulan. Nak kena belajar lagi kalau nak naik pangkat. Kerja makan gaji ni menyusahkan, asyik duduk bawah telunjuk orang. Tak ada future..

Katanya, dengan MLM boleh dapat financial freedom. Contoh sukses yang mereka beri? Remaja belasan tahun yang tak ada pelajaran tapi ada kereta mewah tiga empat biji, rumah banglo sana sini dan duit berjuta-juta dalam bank. Nah, dengan bisnes seuntung ini, kenapa perlu susah-susah nak belajar, nak dapat sijil..

Logik? Memang logik, kalau duit yang dijadikan kiblat mata hati.

Aku cuba mengembalikan pemikiran mereka ke arus normal, tapi langsung tak berkesan. Malah aku dianggap egois kerana enggan ‘bertukar mindset.’ Katanya aku tak pandai mengambil peluang, terlalu terikut-ikut dengan gaya hidup yang mementingkan ranking dan hierarchy. Yang paling aku tak dapat terima, bila mereka memperlekehkan ilmu dan seperti memperkecilkan impian aku dan Pura untuk belajar sampai ke peringkat tertinggi. Katanya aku hanya omong kosong tentang impian aku untuk tubuhkan perniagaan sendiri, sedangkan aku masih tak punya modal pun untuk memulakannya.

Haish, macam mana tu?

Dalam hidup ni tak aku nafikan yang duit tu penting. Serius, siapa tak suka ada duit, dan siapa yang tak suka ngabiskan duit? Aku rasa aku paling suka kedua-duanya! ^^

Kalau ada duit, boleh bawa adik-adik keluar makan, pergi shopping ramai-ramai kat One Utama. Boleh belikan mama dan papa Big Apple donuts, atau aiskrim King’s perisa Caramel Almond Fudge. Boleh merayau kat pasar malam dengan Pura tiap-tiap Khamis beli ayam, ikan dan sayur untuk rumah. Boleh balik kampung, bawak nenek pergi pasaraya dan beli apa saja yang dia bubuh dalam troli; sebab selalunya dia akan taruh benda-benda yang dia selalu tengok dalam iklan TV tapi tak pernah rasa lagi - haish, comel! ^^

Dan paling best, boleh plan surprise birthday parties... beli hadiah, belanja orang-orang atau makhluk-makhluk (read: cats) yang sangat aku sayang.

Rumah banglo dan kereta BMW tu walaupun wujud dalam fantasi, bukanlah sesuatu yang aku target dalam realiti aku. Serius, kalaulah aku diberikan rezeki menjadi cukup kaya untuk beli mahligai dan kereta mewah, dan apa yang aku lakukan ialah beli mahligai dan kereta mewah, aku rasa aku la khalifah yang paling tak berhati perut dalam dunia..

Harga satu kereta BMW tu, agaknya boleh beri makan berapa ramai orang? Boleh sponsor berapa ramai anak-anak nak pergi belajar? Boleh bangunkan berapa rumah kos rendah, rumah kebajikan, masjid, perpustakaan, etc? I’m just sayin’..

Maksud aku, apalah salahnya berkerja makan gaji, simpan duit sikit-sikit, menabung untuk masa depan? Kurang-kurangya pendapatan aku stabil; ada elaun, ada pencen. Ni tak, semua nak cepat. Nak duit banyak, nak kereta mewah, nak rumah besar.. all before 30! Wow.. Duit yang datang sebanyak tu dalam jangkamasa yang begitu singkat.. aku sangsikan halal haramnya.

Tapi yang lebih aku risaukan di sini ialah keadaan rohaniah adik-adik aku. Peribadi apa yang dapat dibentuk dari pekerjaan yang semacam ini? What kind of knowledge can be gained? Apa sumbangan yang dapat diberikan pada ummah?

For the record, “Kitaorang dapat tolong bumiputera-bumiputera lain untuk jadi kaya,” is the biggest nonsense I’ve ever heard..

Aku suka teringat pada kata-kata Sr. Fatimah, seorang guru sukarela kacukan Siam-Mesir yang gemar mengajar aku hikmah di sebalik Islamic Finance. Ketika dia terlihat aku mengira hasil kerja babysitting di bilik bacaan masjid waktu aku berumur 16 tahun:

Sr. Fatimah : Sofie habibti.. you want to know how to make money grow?

Aku : Grow? Er, yeah.. sure..

Sr. Fatimah : Good, it’s very simple! Here, you keep a little bit.. Then the rest—

Aku : The rest, I keep in piggy bank?

Sr. Fatimah : What means piggy bank??

Aku : (O_o)? Then, the rest...

Sr. Fatimah : You give away habibti, give away! ^^

Aku : Owh...


Sampai ke hari ni, ini la satu-satunya petua yang tak pernah menghampakan aku.

To me, it doesn’t matter how much money you have. As long as you keep it only for yourself, you’ll always be poor..

Second thump..

"True friendships are never serene."

-Marquise de Sevigne

“I heard your parents last night.”

I watched her from the corner of our so-called secret garden as she fluttered about, a small watering can in hand. She was busy watering the base of four apple trees which, to our surprise, had come into full bloom so suddenly that afternoon. Delicate pink-white petals swirled about like a million tiny butterflies whenever the wind blew, reminding me of the passing winter, now diluted in the warmth of spring.

She looked back at me expectantly. Her candid statement held no venom; just plain curiosity.

I know. The whole neighbourhood must have heard my family. A student-community whose residents lived in close quarters would have little to hide from one another. If walls weren’t thin enough, tongues certainly went a long way in facilitating the spread of rumors. Not that last night’s events needed any helping. The desperate yelling and slamming of doors made things plenty evident, I was sure.

I wanted to give her a good answer. I wanted to tell her that my family was not broken; that no matter what happened, there is still love there. I wanted desperately for her to believe it.

But I had no idea how to convince a friend of the existence of love. For children like us, love was objective. If it existed, there would be spring and apple blossoms and school holidays. If it didn’t, then there would be yelling and doors slamming and misery. Our juvenile world often ruled in solid colors, and we were built to believe brighter shades were best.

After last night, my world was swathed in dark, angry hues. I remember hiding the car keys so my father wouldn’t leave the apartment. Sadly, my efforts were defeated by innocent and obedient little brothers who presented them promptly at my father’s angry demands. It didn’t take long for them to realize what was happening though. No amount of hugs from my distraught mother could have calmed them as they watched my father walk through the door.

And yet..

Here I was, barely the next day, enjoying the first spring afternoon of the season. With delicate petals sticking everywhere, I was hardly the picture of pity. The warm sunlight managed to paint me just another happy girl basking in God’s gift. My sorrows were thus camouflaged; my worries deftly cloaked. And I realized, belatedly, that I wanted it to stay just so.

“I think the trees need more water, don’t you?” I asked, picking up my own empty watering can as I go. I hoped she’d heard my silent closure on the subject. I was never one to start a fight, but I wasn’t going to back down if she insisted.

She grinned, and threw a casual arm around my shoulder. “Yup! But I think our watering cans are too small. Maybe we should get a tub.. Think your mum would mind? She’s the coolest!”

A crash course in girlfriend diplomacy: successful.

Lesson 2: Love does not exist exclusive of hate. Love exists because of it.

Off track!

First of all, I blame my current theme on the new, slightly-improved Designer button Blogger's currently sporting on my dashboard..

Like my cyber abode's new look, other changes are abound in my life at the moment. Lots of going places; not all of them business. Plenty of new experiences to be found; not all of them pleasant. For a few months now, my life has been anything but routine. There are weeks of dull nothingness, and then one weekend would leave me breathless. My mind toggles three ways:

work, study, home = career, education, family = money, knowledge, life.

Forgoing any one of these is impossible, but pursuing all of them could mean the death of me.

Could being the operative word here..

There seems to be a distinct line between earning a living and getting a decent education, at least where Malaysia is concerned. For instance, I've spent the past three weeks up in Penang attending classes and academic discussions. It's been almost two years since I last step foot in a lecture hall, and the experience left me feeling strangely... unfit?

Working life seems to have stripped me of most of my studious capabilities! I lost focus in class and fumbled through tutorials. My usually nimble tongue faltered on more than one occasion, brought on by a sudden fear of heaven knows what. Lit reviews became excruciating, not to mention the labwork. I was starting to grow envious of my full-time-student coursemates. All the time in the world to focus on just one thing.

But I guess working has its own selfish perks, no? Financial freedom is a large part of that. Add a wider social structure and a stable life routine, and most people would be content to simply leave education behind. Or at least be tempted to.

My choices are meager. I'm not yet an employee; not really a student. I'm just stuck somewhere in between doing everything I could to please both sides of it. It's starting to wear me down a bit, but I suppose like everything else, I'll manage. What doesn't kill me can only make me stronger, right? So pray I stay alive long enough to find out..