Hold My Hand

I need someone to hold my hand
A mountain is looming before me
The wall in my heart won't budge
I'm safe behind it and yet so unsatisfied

I need someone to hold my hand
The trouble can't be seen
But my fear is waking again
Rising from disabilities I can't hide

I need someone to hold my hand
It's painful, the climb
And lonely so many times
Each step retracting from my path

I need someone to hold my hand
Take my hits through gritted teeth
Break the rules for me
Sink and float willingly

I need someone to hold my hand
Pull me through with a glance
Urge me on with a smile
Call out my name when I get there

But,
If it's too much to ask
I just need you
To hold my hand.

________________________________________________

Dance

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love should ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out, or dance

I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Living might mean taking chances, but they're worth taking 

Loving might be a mistake, but it's worth making

Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter

When you come close to selling out, reconsider

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out, or dance

I hope you dance

Time is a real and constant motion

always rolling us along 

No one wants to look back on their youth and wonder

where those years have gone..

I hope you DANCE.

_____________________________________________

Seraya membaca blog seorang adik, aku makin kaget; Bicara Zion, peranan Muslim, serta konsep Islam yang keliru di mata sesetengah penganutnya sendiri.. Gambaran dia aku kira cukup sebati dengan perasaan amarah Ummah disaat ini, dan secara amnya aku mengerti. Namun, hati aku entah kenapa tak semudah itu turut setuju dengan semua hujah dan contoh yang diberikan. Aku cuba memujuk diri: Ah, kamu macam itu sebab kamu lilin.. 

Tapi jelas, kali ini aku terasa..

Aku ingin sekali menghuraikan untuk kamu, yang pasti sekarang sudah mula berfikir yang bukan-bukan. Tapi sayang, tak ada ayat tepat yang dapat aku susun sebagai penjelasan; ayat yang sekaligus tidak akan menyinggung perasaan orang lain. Hakikatnya, manusia itu berfikir, merasa, dan meneruskan hidup atas pengalaman sendiri, dan pengalaman aku sudah banyak membawa aku berdepan dengan isu-isu yang diketengahkan. 

Selalunya, bila aku keliru aku akan bertanya. And at this moment, ini soalannya:

1. Pernahkah kamu hidup rukun dengan seorang Yahud?
2. Pernah kamu berkongsi derita seorang saudara seagama yang keliru dan tercari-cari akan pertaliannya dengan Tuhan?
3. Adakah matlamat itu menghalalkan cara?
   
4. Adakah kita sebagai manusia hanya terbagi kepada yang salah dan yang benar?
5. Apakah peranan kamu dalam semuanya? Apakah pula peranan kita?

Kamu jangan keliru. Aku tidak menyokong keganasan ke atas Palestin, atau berpalingnya seorang Muslim terhadap Islam. TIDAK SAMA SEKALI. 

Cuma, aku punya pengalaman yang banyak mengajar aku kalau agama dan perkauman itu bukanlah soal cetek dan picisan; cebisan info yang boleh dikongsi dan dijadikan platform untuk mencari pandangan selari. Pada aku, bukan itu caranya untuk menang dan tentu saja bukan itu caranya untuk bersatu.   

Bak kata Dr. Adi Setia: You can be majority, but that doesn't necessarily make you right.

Postcript: kepada seorang adik, aku tak bermaksud apa-apa. Kamu tahu aku sayang kamu.. 

Lolcats!

For more of the things you're about to see, click here. I love these pics, they're just cute and hilarious! I never thought bad spelling and grammar could be so much fun. Enjoy! ^^

The last of it

Dah baca satu blog baru realize tag aku tak complete.. (-_-)

Maaf ya. The past two weeks have been a blur. Otak aku dah nak disintegrate memikirkan kerja, sambung belajar, family.. Satu per satu masalah timbul, tak nampak nak reda. Malah makin besar jadinya. Aku dah mula rasa rimas dan tersepit.

Masa-masa susah macam ni aku rindukan mama. Dia selalu ada jawapan, jalan penyelesaian, atau paling kurang pun hala tuju ke arah itu. Things always look better at the end of a discussion with her. Aku baru sedar, aku okay sebagai pemangku, tapi aku takkan betul-betul dapat gantikan tempat parents aku. Just goes to show, you don't know what you've got till you've lost it..

Haish, nasib baik dua hari lagi aku nak pergi retreat. Sampai sana nanti aku nak hamburkan masalah pada kawan-kawan, minta pendapat dan pandangan. Aku nak lontarkan semuanya jauh-jauh, biar nanti aku boleh pulang dengan dada yang sedikit lapang.

Ah, aku tau bunyinya tak adil dan penting diri. Kawan-kawan datang untuk istirehat, kenapa masalah aku mesti disandang? Tapi, kalau itu pandangan kamu, maknanya kamu kurang faham. You see, I am entitled to their time and space. Because they are my second family, they belong to me.. Muahahahahahakuikuikui!

Lagipun, kalau mereka kurang setuju.....

TOO LATE NOW.....

15 Things

To the meager readers of this humble blog, I'm truly sorry for the lack of updates these past few weeks...

I've been horribly busy with responsibilities at the lab and at home: my pending research proposal, the lack of representative bat samples, my slightly demanding (albeit sweet) undergrads, the recent scrape on the front bumper my mom's brand new Myvi, the demise of my own beloved ADK and the RM1500 worth of headache it takes to fix it, rising prices in electricity-water-rukun tetangga bills, my parents' hajj trip (and my opah's temporary move to my place because of that), and my own inevitable move to Bangi...

With all the rush, it's no surprise Kak Sofie has fallen ill. Suddenly I need to sleep with the fan off (which NEVER happens when I'm in Malaysia) and I spent the whole night wondering why it was so cold. My mom was convinced I'd caught chikugunya, and became obsessed with having my blood drawn and tested! Count Caracol, this is your chance...

But seriously, the last time I felt this bad was back in Kuantan, while I was living with five wonderful sisters in a home I wish I hadn't left.. Back then I had all the warmth and support. Ah, the nights of sleeping sprawled all over the living room floor.. Wonder when we'll get to do that again ^^ Those really were the days...

And today? Well, let's just say I ran out of sick leaves before I could recover.. I'm back in the lab, writing, researching and supervising, all the while coughing till my lungs hurt. My only comfort stems from the fact that my undergrads aren't here today, and most of the RAs are on a trip to Langkawi. It's quiet around CGAT, which allows me time to catch up on some important reading, and uploading this entry.

Postscript: I've been meaning to start on a tag, but that endeavor will have to wait.. I lack the energy and positive mindset to begin it. Trust me, an entry from a sick and very moody Kak Sofie writing 15 things about herself is not something you'd want to read... Kapish?

NEED TO WANT TO HAVE TO BE ME!

Aku dah letih dengan pemandangan lama...

Green is my favorite color, warna yang tenang dan sering membayangkan benda yang best: alam, syurga... Tapi, apa yang kita suka pun kalau dah terlampau banyak boleh memudaratkan. Sejak kebelakangan ni aku rasa rimas dengan semua benda dan perkara, so dalam usaha aku menenangkan diri, aku bleach semuanya putih... ^^

Do I feel better after that? Definitely!

Question: Do you know 15 things about me?

I've been asked to explain 15 things about myself, and I don't know where to start. Most of the time I rely on others to tell me who I am. Not that I have no faith in me, it's just that beauty (and everything else, for that matter) is always in the eyes of the beholder; not the one beheld...

So I will do this: before I start on my tag entry, I want a public survey. If you know me (or even think you do..) just leave me a comment in this particular entry, or email me (opie_shah@yahoo.com) or sms me.. Apa saja pendapatnya, aku terima. Strangers, friends or family, this is your once in a lifetime chance to raise me up, pull me down or spill my beans, uncontested...

This tag has officially evolved.. Leave me a comment, please!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!

It's been a while since the last entry. Honestly, there's a lot to say, and a lot more to ponder. But I digress; this would not be the best time to immerse myself in them.. I must be happy!

So, what have I been up to in absence? Ramadhan has come and gone, and we are now in the second week of Syawal. For my Puasa research, I'd lost an unnoticeable 4 kg.. I found that rice really is my enemy, which cause me to limit consumption to once a week. Imagine being malaysian and living on pasta el dente six out of seven days...*shiver*

Also, next year fasting should start a week before ramadhan, so that my body won't get so shocked and fry my brain with distress signals! my first day of fasting this year was damn awful, my headache was to die for...

This Ramadhan also saw my first attempt at a more solid ibadah. The trials of tarawih, quran reading and kiamul lail every odd nights the last ten days in the hopes of catching that elusive 'night of a thousand nights'... I can't say I've done them all that well, but it was an improvement from last year, which incidentally was the best ramadhan I ever spent (I was in Kuantan). In any case, it was more than I could hope for.

I'd spent the first and second day of Raya in Tampin with my mum's family (my favorite side ^.^), which happened to be quite special this year. I got to visit my mum's very old kampung where she grew up. It was like visiting a completely different world... It's green, with creeks coursing through this way and that.. and paya everywhere! (I'm a nature person, so this type of scenery is highly conducive..)

I met many of my mum's old bendang friends - those who knew her since she was born - and visited their homes. Their wooden houses were so cute, you could touch the ceiling if you raised your hand! It felt like they were living in doll houses! I wanted to take pictures as proof, but that would be rude... I also found out my affinity for felines may be genetic afterall, because in each and every house I went to, there is a well loved cat. At least one... Or maybe, orang negri memang suka kucing!

Ah, this year, to commemorate my first meager gaji, I'd sponsored half of the bunga api and mercun rations used in my family's annual Raya Eve Fireworks Battle against the jiran sebelah (who lives about two acres away from us). It's childish, I know, and I probably shouldn't encourage such behavior, being the eldest... But whatthehey, no harm in indulging the nakal in you every once in a while, right? by the way, luv the fireckrackers pictured...

Raya days 3 and 4 were spent at Tanjung Malim with Opah, where we'd celebrated Pura's birthday. Back in KL on the 5th, worked on the 6th, Conference from 7th-9th... But, I will stop here for now. It's almost 3 am, and I have to drive to Kuantan for a wedding in 5 hours time. Can't wait to be back in Pahang tho... the scenery en route is simply heaven!

Next entry will talk about conferences, cinemas and everything in between... Ciao!

p/s: I've been tagged by Pojan... I sure hope that's a good thing!

Taking evil for a friend

Ever had one of those moments when you feel like you've taken the wrong step, gone down the wrong street, or flushed your life inexplicably down the toilet?

Haish, Kak Sofie is just a little ruffled right now.. she feels like there's so much out there, but she's not getting a piece. She wants to change and move and discover new things, but her lap is heavy with commitments and responsibilities. At times she has no idea why she's accountable for certain things, but she bears them all the same. The little that she's been doing so far doesn't seem to amount to much; she wants to do more.. so much more.

But, in such cases Kak Sofie rationally swallows her own reminder..

...the worst disease to plague humans is the lack of patience. We tumble blindly and chaotically through life simply because we have no forbearance to look for clues as to how we are to live...

Then again, patience has also been defined as a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue...

......

Kak Sofie knows it's not a good thing... and it's not like her.

But her soul is appeased... at least for the time being.

Ponder..

Imagine there's no Heaven,

it's easy if you try.

No hell below us; above us only sky.

Imagine all the people living for today..

Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do.

Nothing to kill or die for, and no religion too.

Imagine all the people living life in peace..

Imagine no possessions; I wonder if you can.

No need for greed or hunger; a brotherhood of man.

Imagine all the people sharing all the world..

You may say I'm a dreamer.

But I'm not the only one.

I hope someday you'll join us.

And the world will live as one..

- Imagine by John Lennon

This song reminds the author of some rather sticky conversations she's had lately... The views of the greater world has somehow managed to seep into her conscience and steer it haywire. Her biggest question: Is it wrong to dream?

Disclaimer: the author does not necessarily share the views of John Lennon. She is only trying to put forth theories and beliefs other than her own, for the sake of knowledge and a personal search for the right path.

- For Those Who Knew Me Inside Out -

Need I Say More?

Note: this is the kind of conversation I'd love to have with my future someone, especially with the end result... ~.^

This Is Me Having Faith

Argh!!! Aku ada blog!!!

Sebenarnya, aku tak reti blogging. Bukan saja tak reti... at some point, malah tak suka. The idea of letting others know what I think, how I feel; semua tu aku rasa bukanlah benda yang patut dikongsi. Sebab, more often than not, manusia ni gemar terlepas cakap..

Dalam kita seronok mengutarakan pendapat dan memberi pandangan, kita selalunya terlupa bahawa ada berbillion-billion lagi homo sapiens di atas lapisan kerak bumi ni yang tak kisah, tak setuju, lagi offended dengan luahan kita. Atas sebab itu saja, aku malas nak menulis. Kata omputih, The pen is mightier than the sword... dalam erti kata lain, blogging ni adalah satu risiko yang rasanya terlalu tinggi untuk aku tanggung.

The obvious question: Wey minah! Ni, yang ko toreh atas virtual page ni... amendenye?

The obvious answer: entah lah. Aku pun tak tahu. Atau mungkin, aku pun dah mula tak kisah..